E+F: The ins and outs of the final group matches...

Glen Johnson trying to avoid being hit square in the Jubulanis yesterday

Group E
Match 41:
Denmark 0

Japan 2
Snackazawa 43, Mizuno 48

A double whammy does for the Danes as their disappointing COGH campaign comes to an end. The lads don't hold back in what they feel about Carlsberg. 'Bath water. Not fit to grace this fine competition,' says Dan, whilst James thinks it 'smells of feet.' Peter follows up with a cutting 'It's awful, I'm getting more off these figs I'm eating.' Sapporo by contrast as dry, clean and hundred times more drinkable.

Tim Stewart's World Cup Diary

We'd heartily recommend Tim Stewart's on-the-spot reporting from England v Slovenia on our siblog European Football Weekends.

Match 42:
Cameroon 0

Holland 2
Bruin 32, Agagoo 75 (O.G)

Two very similar games to round off the groups, except the French / Cameroonian entrant Tradition is way out of Carlsberg's league, but not in a good way. 'Worst beer we've tried, and that's saying something,' says Deaks, eager to wash his mouth out with something more pleasant. The Dutch grab their first and only goals of the tournament but strangely they are enough to give them a decent shout of the second round.

Final Group E Table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Japan	3	3	0	0	5	0	5	9
2	Holland	3	1	1	1	2	1	1	4
3	Denmark	3	1	1	1	1	2	-1	4
4	Cameroon	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: In an amazing last gasp bid Holland have overtaken the Danes on goal difference, but will face the formidable Paraguayans in the next round. Japan were not troubled in the group, and will fancy themselves against Italy. The Danes can consider themselves unlucky, especially as their first choice beer was smashed in an unfortunate accident. As for the French / Cameroonian entry, they are no loss to the contest.

Whoops!

Vladimir Mijaljevic commentating for Serbia's biggest TV station RTS said of the German goalkeeping situation: “Neuer is in goal, because Enke cannot play. He is injured.” Obviously no-one told Mijaljevic that Robert Enke tragically committed suicide last year.

Group F
Match 43:
Slovakia 0

Italy 1
Columbo 39

Two evenly matched sides going head-to-head in a battle for that vital runners-up spot in the group. The Italians edge out the Slovaks by being 'a little tastier' but overall an uninspiring encounter. 'You'd not refuse a few of these, but I've had better up Ben Nevis,' says Peter. Stu is equally non-plussed. 'I don't think either of these will be going very much further in the competition to be honest.' No-one disagrees.

Thought for the Day

A player has been sent off on each of the last eight day's play - a new World Cup record. It seems that there are so many fiddly things that 'deserve' a yellow card these days, wrecking many perfectly good matches. Here's to no red cards today... what would be the odds of that? 50/1?

Impenetrable: England's route to the WC2010 final

Match 44:

Paraguay 3

New Zealand 0

'This beer would put you in Accident and Emergency if you're not careful,' says Dan. Not everyone is a fan of Palo Santo, but all have to admire how they've managed to fit 12% ABV of beer into something that doesn't taste like surgical spirit. Mac's Gold, on the other hand, is pallid, plain and out of COGH without a point or even so much as a goal.

The NZ team in celebratory mood... Obviously with beer from other countries

Final Group F Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Paraguay	3	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
2	Italy	3	2	0	1	3	3	0	6
3	Slovakia	3	1	0	2	2	4	-2	3
4	New Zealand	3	0	0	3	0	5	-5	0

COGH Analysis: Paraguay coast over the finishing line as group winners and will not fear the Dutch. The Italians were arguably fielding an understrength entry and so did well under the circumstances. As for the Slovaks and the Kiwis, both were fancied before the start of the tournament and have largely disappointed, but stood little chance against a most distinctive South American entry.

Tomorrow: Will Brazil qualify? Are Switzerland COGH's new dark horses